The Other Cheek
“Second Thoughts”
© 2001 Anna S. Christie
My good buddy Ian Victor (I did not make this name up) entered an essay competition in high school that boasted for its first prize a full scholarship to McGill University for four years – tuition, residence, and books. His family wasn't very well to-do, so this would be a real blessing.
Just a few weeks after the essays were handed in, Ivan was contacted and told he was a finalist in the competition. The winner was to be announced at a gala evening the following Saturday. Ivan and his entire family were escorted by limousine to the event. After a dinner fit for a restaurant critic and a number of speeches by prominent Montreal citizens and university faculty, the announcement was made. The winner was Fred Schwartz. Fred got the whole shootin' match – a university education. Ivan came in second, and got Soap on a Rope.
I was fortunate enough to be seriously second only once in my life, back when I was a minister. The competition was for the kind of job we called a "real plum.” Because ministry is a calling, those who are in it cannot publicly admit that we compete for the good jobs. So we all pretend that it doesn't matter a quack where “God sends us,” then we polish up our resumes on the sly and buy books like Knock ‘Em Dead. If you ever see anyone at Chapters in the career section wearing a hat and sunglasses, nine times out of ten it’s a minister.
The plum job was St. Andrew's, known also as a "high pulpit". The "high" referred to profile: rich parishioners, huge sanctuary, paid leads in the choir, monstrous organ. The day before the interview I was sent a fabulous basket of fruit with a card that read "we look forward to meeting with you tomorrow.” Usually it’s an email. The basket that the fruit was in was a magnificent thing in itself. This church was too good to be true.
To make a long story short, the Rev. Dr. Andy What Ever got the high pulpit with the high salary and a half-million dollar house on Snob Hill to live in tax-free and I got to keep the basket.
Instead of St. Andrew’s, I went into the inner city and worked with street people for minimum stipend. I used the basket for old newspapers until one day some poor slob came into the church drinking after-shave from a paper cup and accidentally mistook the thing for a toilet. "Ga......hd bless ya Rev’run Anna," he belched as he oscillated out the door. "Ya do....... ya do good work here." I looked over at my second-place prize and realized for the first time that I'd won.
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"The Other Cheek" once ran as a weekly syndicated newspaper column with At Large Features
© 2001 Anna S. Christie
My good buddy Ian Victor (I did not make this name up) entered an essay competition in high school that boasted for its first prize a full scholarship to McGill University for four years – tuition, residence, and books. His family wasn't very well to-do, so this would be a real blessing.
Just a few weeks after the essays were handed in, Ivan was contacted and told he was a finalist in the competition. The winner was to be announced at a gala evening the following Saturday. Ivan and his entire family were escorted by limousine to the event. After a dinner fit for a restaurant critic and a number of speeches by prominent Montreal citizens and university faculty, the announcement was made. The winner was Fred Schwartz. Fred got the whole shootin' match – a university education. Ivan came in second, and got Soap on a Rope.
I was fortunate enough to be seriously second only once in my life, back when I was a minister. The competition was for the kind of job we called a "real plum.” Because ministry is a calling, those who are in it cannot publicly admit that we compete for the good jobs. So we all pretend that it doesn't matter a quack where “God sends us,” then we polish up our resumes on the sly and buy books like Knock ‘Em Dead. If you ever see anyone at Chapters in the career section wearing a hat and sunglasses, nine times out of ten it’s a minister.
The plum job was St. Andrew's, known also as a "high pulpit". The "high" referred to profile: rich parishioners, huge sanctuary, paid leads in the choir, monstrous organ. The day before the interview I was sent a fabulous basket of fruit with a card that read "we look forward to meeting with you tomorrow.” Usually it’s an email. The basket that the fruit was in was a magnificent thing in itself. This church was too good to be true.
To make a long story short, the Rev. Dr. Andy What Ever got the high pulpit with the high salary and a half-million dollar house on Snob Hill to live in tax-free and I got to keep the basket.
Instead of St. Andrew’s, I went into the inner city and worked with street people for minimum stipend. I used the basket for old newspapers until one day some poor slob came into the church drinking after-shave from a paper cup and accidentally mistook the thing for a toilet. "Ga......hd bless ya Rev’run Anna," he belched as he oscillated out the door. "Ya do....... ya do good work here." I looked over at my second-place prize and realized for the first time that I'd won.
-30-
"The Other Cheek" once ran as a weekly syndicated newspaper column with At Large Features
